


Capricorn Rising

by Lyrstzha



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Apocalypse, Crack, Gen, Humor, Phil the Goat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-03
Updated: 2007-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-05 15:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyrstzha/pseuds/Lyrstzha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You carry on fighting the good fight for years and then you're finally upstaged by a goat in the end.  That's the Hellmouth for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Capricorn Rising

**Author's Note:**

> Written for for ana_grrl's Small and Fuzzy During an Apocalypse Challenge.

"If you could just come in here for a moment," said Giles, ushering Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Spike into the kitchen. "There's someone I want you to meet." He gestured to the medium-sized black and white goat who stood on his hind hooves against the counter, stretching an inquisitive nose towards the box of Captain Crunch just out of his reach. "This is Phil. He's here to help us avert the apocalypse."

They all blinked at Phil silently for a moment with varying degrees of disbelief.

"Um." Willow eyed Phil dubiously. "Is he a magical goat-demon or something?"

"Dear lord, no!" Giles exclaimed, nonplussed. "He's a goat."

"Maa!" Phil added, in a decidedly aggrieved tone.

"And a goat is going to help us avert the apocalypse by what, making us yummy cheese?" Buffy paused and, clearly remembering her manners, added hastily, "Not that I'm saying you don't have great cheese, Phil, because I'm sure it's really tasty and good for growing Slayer bones and all."

"Buffy," Giles began in a weary tone, "firstly, Phil is a male goat. He has no cheese of any kind, yummy or otherwise. Secondly, he's quite a special goat." Giles smiled at Phil with an obvious nostalgic fondness. "We studied to be Watchers together."

"Er, hang on," Spike held up a hand. "That's takin' affirmative action a bit far, innit?"

Phil eyed Spike narrowly and aimed a distinctly rude snort in his direction.

"Oh, he wasn't a goat at the time, of course," Giles replied. "But Phil—while an excellent student in many respects—was always a bit careless about his Latin pronunciation, I'm afraid. Now he's really become something of an object lesson in the importance of proper enunciation during spellcasting." Giles shook his head ruefully. "Ow!" he exclaimed a moment later, snatching his arm away as Phil took a sharp nip at his elbow.

"Maa!" Phil bleated, making it sound oddly like a four-letter word.

"It's hardly my fault you were never any good with dipthongs," Giles retorted defensively, rubbing his elbow and glaring reproachfully at Phil.

"So, what you're saying," Xander broke in, "is that Phil here has come to help with the Watching stuff for the Potentials?" Xander waved a hand vaguely at the kitchen door to indicate the house full of trainee Slayers. "Because I can see where they're gonna need some time to get used to taking directions from a goat."

"Not exactly," Giles hedged. "Phil's particular area of expertise was always especially powerful warding spells. I believe he can hold the Hellmouth closed at least temporarily while we devise a more permanent solution."

Spike grinned broadly, and reached out to nudge the Captain Crunch into Phil's reach. "Can I be the one to tell the First we're gonna foil its plans with a goat? Don't care what face it's wearin', _that'll_ be an expression to see."

Phil took a giant bite out of the box—cardboard, cereal, and all. "Maa," he bleated smugly as he chewed, preening a little.

Buffy gave a little sigh and shook her head. "It's always the way, isn't it?" she mused quietly, "You carry on fighting the good fight for years and then you're finally upstaged by a goat in the end. That's the Hellmouth for you."

Willow patted her shoulder. "It could be worse," she offered brightly, trying to be cheering. "It could have been a duck."

"Or a hamster," Xander added helpfully. "Or something even smaller and fuzzier and cuter."

Phil butted Buffy gently with his head until she patted him between his horns. "Maa," he bleated sympathetically.

"Stupid Hellmouth," Buffy grumbled, still patting Phil.


End file.
